Human Relationships, Intimacy, Love and More
Let's face it, relationships are hard work.
But as human beings we need to be in
relationship: we have an inbuilt biological
drive to be in contact with other human
As children we grow up in a complex matrix
of relationships which to a large degree
will shape who we become as adults.
Later, we dream about romantic
relationships; as teenagers we get excited
about our first attempts at sexual
relationships, and these first sexual
encounters are an important rite of passage
As adults we look for committed, long
term relationships, and most of us
envisage happiness as being part of a
relationship (whatever that may look like).
What no-one ever tells us is that
relationships are hard work. You could
compare a relationship to a dance between
two partners (or in some less orthodox cases
more than two) where each partner is
listening to a different tune and rhythm and
they are dancing according to a different
set of steps.
To make the endeavor workable, possibly even
graceful and good fun, a lot of resilience,
trust, negotiation, willingness to
compromise, skill and humor is needed.
Again, this isn't really stuff that is
taught to us beforehand, and we often
believe that a relationship is supposed to
save us from all our problems, rather than
throw all our failings into greater relief.
So where does that leave us? Probably with a
lot to learn, but also with a great
opportunity for personal growth and shared
The bottom line for me is that when
relationships do work they are fun and a
source of great pleasure and security, but
when they don't they can make one rather
On the whole, though, they do work - or at
least can be made to work - with the right
skills, and in co-operation with your
partner. And for many of us, few things in
life seem to be as worthwhile as investing
in one's relationship.
Let's just start somewhere....
Relationship skills are a vast topic and
good websites take a lot of time to
construct. Please be patient with us as we
slowly improve our list of available
If you're having persistent
trouble with your relationships, we do
recommend counseling as a good way to
re-establish the lines of communicating and
harmony within an intimate relationship.
For general advice on finding
a therapist or counselor, check out (in the
UK) BACP and North
London Counseling (in
the USA) American
Don't make any mistake about
the assumption that because we are human
we're limited by human frailties, weakness
The reality is that nothing
could be further from the truth, because we
all have the power of manifesting our
What this means in practice
is that we can use the power of our minds
generate new reality around us if what we
experience in the world is not giving us
what we want.
So, for example, if you're in
a relationship which is unsatisfying or
inadequate for you, you can then use the
power of your mind to manifest something
If you're working in a job
that you dislike, you can find your true
passion and a way of expressing it that
earns you a great deal of money.
If you're accustomed to
lacking wealth and abundance, you can find a
way of being in the world that attracts
abundance to you in great quantities.
So on and so on and so on –
everything is possible, using the power of
your mind, the power of the universal Law of
Attraction, and the understanding that we
can gain from our experience in manifesting
So a crucial question is, how
does this work? The answer seems to be that
it works by using some mechanism by which
the subconscious mind can tap into the
universal energy source, making sure that we
are connected with the formless void from
which all existence on this planet springs.
But more subtly than that, we
can actually use the power of our mind to
influence the way in which the formless void
manifest physical reality.
Both in terms of getting
physical objectives to appear in our lives,
or in terms of affecting the sequence of
events going on in the world around us, so
that we are gifted with what appear to be
synchronicity and coincidence that favor our
desired objectives and outcomes.
Now I think most of us would agree that at
some level the concept of manifestation by
using the power of our mind makes a great
deal of sense and indeed it's up to us to
ensure that we can use that he gift which
universe has given us satisfactorily and
sensibly to achieve outcomes.
If that's true, then the of
his question as well why doesn't it happen
I think basically the answer
to that is that we are hidebound and
restricted by what we taught as children,
experiences which almost invariably limit
our expectations and squash the belief we
have that the universe might be generous to
us in offering us all that we require and
It's a regrettable truth that
most of us are brought up – whether our
parents are "doing the best they can" or not
– with a belief system implanted in us which
is about limitation and lack, about
deficiency and inadequacy, rather than
abundance, magnificence and gratitude.
Indeed, in that simple
statement you can actually grasp the essence
of manifestation: to believe in what you're
trying to achieve, and believe in the
possibility that universe will be willing to
give it to you; to experience whatever
manifests with an attitude of joy,
expectancy and gratitude; to expect the best
to happen, and to focus on positivity so
that positive events sequences and events
manifest in our lives.
But in addition of course
there's a little bit more work to do: to
spend time every day visualizing your
desired objectives in a state of relaxation,
a mental state where the subconscious mind
can communicate directly with the universal
intelligence to produce all the power and
influence on the manifesting of reality that
we are able to bring to bear.
Now if you'd like to explore
of manifesting in
more detail, I highly recommend this
website, because it's one of the best
expositions of the principles behind
manifestation that I've ever seen.
Some wise words on the way
This is a poem by Adrienne Rich, who
captures so much of our human struggle and
need to be in relationship:
An honorable human relationship - that is
one in which two people have the right to
use the word "love" - is a process,
Delicate, violent, often terrifying to both
persons involved, a process of refining the
truths they can tell each other.
It is important to do this because it breaks
down human self-delusion and isolation.
It is important to do this because in doing
so we do justice to our own complexity.
It is important to do this because we can
count on so few people to go that hard way
Last updated 05.06.15
May 05, 2015
Written by Anna 14.07.07