Relationships Advice Site!
do we start?
face it, relationships are hard work. But as human beings we need to be in
relationship: we have an inbuilt biological drive to be in contact with
other human beings.
children we grow up in a complex matrix of relationships which to a large
degree will shape who we become as adults.
Later, we dream about romantic
relationships; as teenagers we get excited about our first attempts at
sexual relationships, and these first sexual encounters are an important
rite of passage into adulthood.
As adults we look for committed,
long term relationships, and
most of us envisage happiness as being part of a relationship (whatever
that may look like).
no-one ever tells us is that relationships are hard work. You could
compare a relationship to a dance between two partners (or in some less
orthodox cases more than two) where each partner is listening to a
different tune and rhythm and they are dancing according to a different
set of steps.
To make the endeavor workable, possibly even graceful and
good fun, a lot of resilience, trust, negotiation, willingness to
compromise, skill and humor is needed.
Again, this isn't really stuff that
is taught to us beforehand, and we often believe that a relationship is
supposed to save us from all our problems, rather than throw all our
failings into greater relief.
where does that leave us? Probably with a lot to learn, but also with a
great opportunity for personal growth and shared happiness.
line for me is that when relationships do work they are fun and a source
of great pleasure and security, but when they don't they can make one
On the whole, though, they do work - or at least can be
made to work - with the right skills, and in co-operation with your
partner. And for many of us, few things in life seem to be as worthwhile
as investing in one's relationship.
just start somewhere....
skills are a vast topic and good websites take a lot of time to construct.
Please be patient with us as we slowly improve our list of available
having persistent trouble with your
relationships, we do recommend counseling as
a good way to re-establish the lines of
communicating and harmony within an intimate
For general advice on finding
a therapist or counselor, check out (in the
North London Counseling (in the USA)
any mistake about the assumption that
because we are human we're limited by human
frailties, weakness and indecisiveness.
The reality is that nothing
could be further from the truth, because we
all have the power of manifesting our
means in practice is that we can use the
power of our minds generate new reality
around us if what we experience in the world
is not giving us what we want.
So, for example, if you're in
a relationship which is unsatisfying or
inadequate for you, you can then use the
power of your mind to manifest something
If you're working in a job
that you dislike, you can find your true
passion and a way of expressing it that
earns you a great deal of money.
If you're accustomed to
lacking wealth and abundance, you can find a
way of being in the world that attracts
abundance to you in great quantities.
So on and so on and so on –
everything is possible, using the power of
your mind, the power of the universal Law of
Attraction, and the understanding that we
can gain from our experience in manifesting
So a crucial question is, how
does this work? The answer seems to be that
it works by using some mechanism by which
the subconscious mind can tap into the
universal energy source, making sure that we
are connected with the formless void from
which all existence on this planet springs.
But more subtly than that, we
can actually use the power of our mind to
influence the way in which the formless void
manifest physical reality.
Both in terms
of getting physical objectives to appear in
our lives, or in terms of affecting the
sequence of events going on in the world
around us, so that we are gifted with what
appear to be synchronicity and coincidence
that favor our desired objectives and
Now I think most of us would agree that at
some level the concept of manifestation by
using the power of our mind makes a great
deal of sense and indeed it's up to us to
ensure that we can use that he gift which
universe has given us satisfactorily and
sensibly to achieve outcomes.
If that's true, then the of
his question as well why doesn't it happen
I think basically the answer
to that is that we are hidebound and
restricted by what we taught as children,
experiences which almost invariably limit
our expectations and squash the belief we
have that the universe might be generous to
us in offering us all that we require and
It's a regrettable truth that most of us are
brought up – whether our parents are "doing
the best they can" or not – with a belief
system implanted in us which is about
limitation and lack, about deficiency and
inadequacy, rather than abundance,
magnificence and gratitude.
that simple statement you can actually grasp
the essence of manifestation: to believe in
what you're trying to achieve, and believe
in the possibility that universe will be
willing to give it to you; to experience
whatever manifests with an attitude of joy,
expectancy and gratitude; to expect the best
to happen, and to focus on positivity so
that positive events sequences and events
manifest in our lives.
But in addition of course
there's a little bit more work to do: to
spend time every day visualizing your
desired objectives in a state of relaxation,
a mental state where the subconscious mind
can communicate directly with the universal
intelligence to produce all the power and
influence on the manifesting of reality that
we are able to bring to bear.
Now if you'd
like to explore the
meaning of manifesting in more detail, I
highly recommend this website, because it's
one of the best expositions of the
principles behind manifestation that I've
wise words on the way
a poem by Adrienne Rich, who captures so much of our human struggle and
need to be in relationship:
honorable human relationship - that is one in which two people have the
right to use the word "love" - is a process,
violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining
the truths they can tell each other.
important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and
important to do this because in doing so we do justice to our own
important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard
way with us.
Last updated 05.06.15
May 05, 2015