The Psychology Of Relationships
Sexual Problems - Men
There are many possible
consequences to experiencing intense
anxiety, including sexual problems of all
But what we do not generally recognize is the potential for anxiety to cause non-existent ejaculation, which is in many ways an interesting contrast to premature ejaculation. (Check out the causes of delayed ejaculation here.)
You see, while delayed ejaculation is on the surface completely different to premature ejaculation, the fact of the matter is that these two conditions have a lot in common.
To start with, premature
ejaculation is caused mostly by emotional
difficulties. And the same is true of
delayed ejaculation, which is generally
caused by intense anxiety, or by intense
anger which is repressed.
What this means in practice is that he is
being driven by emotional input that is
beyond his control, in one case (premature
ejaculation) because he has a conditioned
response causing him to be excessively
anxious, and in the case of delayed
ejaculation, a conditioned response causing
him to disconnect from his feelings so much
that he cannot register how aroused or
unaroused he is internally.
Without such knowledge, control of the man's ejaculation may well be way beyond him. In particular, in the case of delayed ejaculation, if the man is failing to register his arousal, and doesn't know it, he's facing "a double whammy" which could render him completely unable to reach the point of orgasm and ejaculate.
So what of the obvious question: how is a man to overcome delayed ejaculation when the essence of the problem is that it's caused by disconnection from self?
The answer seems to be that one of the things a man has to do to enable himself to ejaculate normally during sexual activity is to regain a sense of connection with his body.
Classically, sensate focus exercises have been prescribed by sex therapists to achieve this, on the grounds that the man is able to reconnect with the physical stimulation leading to sexual arousal.
However David Schnarch, author of passionate marriage, which you can find at www.passionatemarriage.com , argues that in fact intimacy is not achieved by such exercises, but by a rigorous and authentic exposure of the self to the partner, and that through such rigorous exposure, one can find an intimate connection and love and sexual activity that is satisfying to both partners.
Last updated 05.04.16
May 4 2016